What Rumor?
by Rumielf
Summary: The Joker overhears a disturbing rumor about the new Batman movie drabble gone wild!
1. Chapter 1

**_A/N and disclaimer: So…I never intended a simple drabble to go any further. But then it wouldn't stop. I've written similar things for Harry Potter using Professor Snape as my victim and they seemed to turn out rather well. Now to see if I can pull off Joker and Harley just as well. _**

**_Sadly I don't own Joker (though that would be endless fun), Harley or anything in the Batman universe. I just play with them when I have time._**

* * *

**What Rumor?**

"Harley! What the fuck is this?"

"It's just a rumor, Mistah J. That's all. Promise!"

"How could they even think of putting your character in a movie about my first real encounter with Batman?!"

"It's not confirmed yet, Puddin'. No one knows for sure if it's even true…"

"I'd been facing off against the Bat for _years_ before you even started working at Arkham! This is blasphemy! This is slander!"

"I know and you know and Bats knows. Isn't tha—"

"Shut up! Wait…Harl, bring me this director Whathisname. Time to put this rumor to rest once and for all."

* * *

"Where did you find this rumor?"

"Someone posted a link from the community. It's listed in the movie credits now."

"Damn! How many people have heard about it?"

"I don't know, Puddin'. At least the whole community."

"Hold the phone, what community? Harley, are you cheating on Daddy?"

"N-n-no! It's nothing like that. Just a bunch of your fans, that's all."

"Oh. In that case you can keep reading it. What's it called?"

"'Joker and Harley'."

"You didn't mention that you were a part of this…"

"Please don't get mad, Mistah J. They just write stories and draw art and talk about you an' me."

"Dear god, is this another group of people who seem to think that we have some sort of relationship? That deep down I'm really an old softie who truly cares for my Harley?"

"Nope. They think you're psychotic and a madman. And that our relationship is abusive. But they like us anyway."

"Oh…well…at least they have some sense. Maybe you should read some more about what they say, Harl. You might finally pick up something."

"Sure, Puddin'."

"Hang on, can you make comments to this group-thingy?"

"Of course! I signed up as soon as I found 'em."

"Good. Move over baby, Daddy's got some writing to do."

* * *

"Ha! Some of these people are even more deluded than you are, Harley!"

"Huh? Sorry, I think I dozed off."

"Have you read what some of them are talking about? It's almost flattering but at the same time it's crazy…even to me!"

"Which part?"

"Like this. See? They're talking about my sexuality. Who have you been spreading stories to, Harl?"

"I never said anythin'!"

"Really? Then you weren't one of these people commenting on my boxers?"

"Oh…..that….well…that, um, was just to…uh…make them think I was one of them. Yeah, that's all."

"Right. Remind me to close you in the oven later."


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N and disclaimer: That's right. I've been going back through the archives of the LJ community and picking out random entries. Let the fun begin. _

_Nope, still own nothing. Just my silly ideas. _

* * *

"Does everyone know about that?!" 

"About what, Puddin'?"

"You playing kissy-face with the Bat!"

"Oh….."

"They're even writing stories about it! What the hell do they know about it?"

"I don't know, I thought she got it down pretty well."

"I couldn't care how well she wrote it, Harl! It pisses me off that they know about it and then tried to elaborate on it! The moment that my fucking creation kissed…Batman."

"Mistah J, I thought we got past that. You said you weren't upset anymore about it. Ouch!"

"Did I say that? Hmmm. I guess this particular bit got me worked up. Harley, go away, you're dripping blood on the keyboard."

* * *

"What the hell is this 'Monkey!Joker' they keep mentioning?"

"It's a cartoon version of ya. It's not near as good as the other ones and I don't think a lot of people like it."

"Monkey? I need to see a picture. Find me a picture now!"

"Sure thing, Mistah J. They're not hard to find….there! That's what they're talkin' about."

"…."

"Breathe, Puddin'."

"…."

"I mean it though, no one likes this version. A lotta people won't even watch the show because of this."

"…."

"Pud—"

"WHAT IN FUCKS NAME IS THAT?!?!?!"

"Ow. I liked that chair. I don't think glue's gonna fix this one."

"It's a chair, Harley! You can steal a new one! This is my image we're talking about! Someone has gone and made me look like some sort of freakish baboon!"

"I know it's bad but…"

"Bad? Bad doesn't begin to cover this monstrosity! Has this artist even seen me at all?"

"Probably not, Puddin'. I mean, this guy's not even wearin' shoes."

"Fuck!"

"Now? Really?"

"Is that all you ever think about?"

"It's hard not to when you're around."

"Just get rid of this picture. Make a note to find the artist's address. Then go get me a paint set. We're taking a trip this weekend."

"Hooray!"

"Will this thing work in the car?"

"The laptop? Sure…I've got an adaptor somewhere. But ya can't get on the internet unless we're near someplace that offers it."

"Then stay near places that offer it."

"Sure!"

"Where's my chair?"

"Over there….and there….and there…."

"Harley, get me a new chair while you're out."

"Okie dokie, Puddin'!"


	3. Chapter 3

"When will you have us at a place where I can read more of that?"

"The next exit isn't too far, Puddin'. Maybe twenty minutes."

"What else do you have on here? Hold on, you saved that trash that someone wrote about your affair with the Bat?!"

"She did write that I was real upset about it."

"That's not the point! How many other of these things do you have in here?"

"Um. A lot. I kinda copied those stories I liked and kept 'em there to read later."

"Where? How do I find them in this ridiculous mess you have here?"

"Hang on, let me pull over. Okay, you just go to this folder—"

"The one marked 'Smut'? That's extremely subtle, Harl."

"What else did ya want me to call it? Just double click on which ones you want ta read."

"Hmmm….'Dirty Worth'. I think I'll start with that one. I like the sound of it."

***********

"Harley."

"Yes, Mistah J?"

"How many people would you say actually read these stories?"

"I dunno. The community is kinda huge. And these are posted on other sites."

"You mean to tell me that this….creative imagining…is out there for anyone to read?"

"I guess so. I never really thought about it."

"So, that means that Batsy could be reading this?"

"Wow. I never thought of that, Puddin'. You're right. Who knows, maybe he's even on the community as a member and none of us know!"

"…"

"What's wrong?"

"I can't go back to Gotham knowing that Batman might have read such things! And what of the other Rogues? I'd be the laughing stock of the city!"

"I dunno, I haven't heard them say anything about it. Red's definitely never said anything and she hears a lot."

"Harley! Just the thought that they might have scanned through these insane and entirely untrue stories about me makes my skin crawl. No, I need to find a way to get in a preemptive strike. A way to make sure there's material against them before the first smirk crosses a face."

"What about Toaster fic, Mistah J?"

"What are you blabbering about? What do kitchen contraptions have to do with my plans for blackmail?"

"Toaster fic. It's the nickname that people gave to stories involving Batman and Dr. Crane."

"There's actually this type of filth that involves the Bat and the Scarecrow?"

"Oh yeah. It's pretty popular too."

"Ha! That has to be priceless! And it kills two birds with one stone. I like it!"

"I don't have any stored, though. Sorry, Puddin'."

"Who needs other people's petty stories and ideas? I think I can write a masterpiece that will put these other ones to shame."

"Wait….you're writing a story?"

"Oh yes, Harl, and it's going to be a killer!"

* * *

_A/N: Just so you know, the story "Dirty Worth" is written by TheMadPuppy and actually happens to be one of my favorites._


End file.
